i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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