Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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