ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
