I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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