So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
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My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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