I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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