I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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