Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize