ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize