My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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