Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize