Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
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I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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