I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
