Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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