Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
