the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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