It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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