I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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