Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION