So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.