My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.