At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Why can't burritos get me drunk