i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
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I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
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okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America