Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.