failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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