This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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