i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
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I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
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its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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