Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
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You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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