i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
