What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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