Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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