Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We named our party play list daddy issues
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
