I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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