we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
