Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
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I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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