My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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