I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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