i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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