so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize