K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
