This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
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I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
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You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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