So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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