It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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