I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Pants are for mortals
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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