dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
