I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
