I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize