I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
there is glitter all over my balls
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
