Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
