omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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