Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize