It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The air was thick with penises
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube