He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.