mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you would pick up someone in the library
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed