don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
ugly people sure do ruin things
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling