So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...