He is an equal opportunity slut.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
