i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
