There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
this hospital has no fireball
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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